Notary Stress, Exit Thoughts, and the 1.2m Lifeline I Clung To

January 16, 2025

9:45 AM

I've come to accept that the situation here isn't ████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████

5:15 PM

I think my mom's left. The house is locked. I don't have a key, so I have to wait for her to return. I don't know — maybe she's sick, or something.

She has experienced many losses, and when it's her time to leave, that will be her choice. I've had a real relationship with her; we argued frequently as most parents naturally, normally do with their kids.

.

I wrote in this affidavit that I'm a "Christian" ████████████████████████████████████████████████████.

I believe that , █████████████████████████████████████████████████████

While I would not call Thailand a "failed state", I have concerns about certain social and economic aspects of the country which .

I feel they are not widely respected internationally for their leadership.

I feel uneasy about the because I associate them with , and that association tends to dominate my perceptions.

7:30 PM

I'll be completely fine.

I don't wear a golden cross of Jesus.

I don't wear a watch or any gold chains, like Kanye.

I, like many people, want to earn money and buy a business.

I prefer not to be uninformed.

I smiled.

But.

I know I am completely protected by Jesus Christ; I just feel his presence.

I feel God's presence like a cloud above me.

Like an MQ9 Reaper monitoring my front.

Yes.

While I won't jump off a cliff.

A hundred million angels will dive in to save me, to carry me, and protect me.

A billion perhaps, or more.

A trillion, or whatever number of years Willow can outperform in processing times.

I'll be completely fine.

The worst days are behind me.

Different kinds of leaders have different grades of mettle and different compositions of character.

Lee Kuan Yew was perhaps of a second generation.

Churchill was a first.

No — Washington.

Was it Jesus?

I don't know.

Antiquity.

I can't remember much from my school days.

How can I remember the recent past?

Lee Kuan Yew had that iron in him.

He taught that anyone who governs Singapore should have that iron in them.

Or give it up.

***

Some say Trump has a tough, almost military-like resolve.

Or was that Thatcher?

Iron Lady.

I don't know.

But I have some of that quality.

Some people describe Duminda Silva as "titanium."

I smiled softly.

That brings to mind a dramatic Calvin Harris–style song about a story in a prison hospital or cell.

I am something else.

When you make metal, like Tubalcain, like my dad worked with ferrous items such as manhole covers,

You have to heat it up.

I am very tough because of what I went through.

Those are scars that can't be seen.

But they are reminders of what I survived.

***

You should, like Job, with patience and trust, accept pain, like any bodybuilder, a patient in surgery or chemotherapy, or a service member, and believe in God's place for you.

I take from Sheryl Sandberg the idea that adversity changes you; you should seek to grow stronger from it.

It's not just neuroplasticity.

It's about post-adversity growth in spirit.