TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 17, 2020
7:30 a.m.
It's a good day. I love the number 17 and 7 and 10. I don't like the number 13. I have decided today that I want a family audience, I want to protect religions respectfully and be kind towards others. It's just better to understand and love others.
I have decided to call my diary entries "Capt.'s Log: wk 48 and the date underneath in short form". It's better to write this to inspire and help give confidence to young people in SL.
7:45 a.m.
I woke up early, my mum has come to get biscuits from the fridge in the living room where I was asleep. I think maybe I woke up early. I'm on 60 mg of Mirtazapine/ Remeron. I will definitely go to Thilanga uncle's office today to print/handover the letters he needs, maybe with a printed company profile.
I don't think I have a bad character, but I suspect people due to bad experiences, including repeated trauma. I wasn't fair to ███████, I acted like a bad guy, bad crazy person even, I suspected too much, acted like a racist, I misled her, betrayed her and hurt her.
8:00 a.m.
██████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ I fear that people harbour contempt towards me and are acting against me because that's what I have seen happen sometimes. But it's not true always, I doubt it.
I'll probably relax now, but maybe a few hours from now, maybe tomorrow, maybe next week, next month, I'll become suspicious of people, maybe I'll be upset, maybe I'll be angry, act badly, I don't know. But I do know I'll be honest. I'll tell the truth.
I know that I have a good heart, at some level, somewhere, there's some good in me. I don't know many things, but I know that much is true. I know I've got a lot of good friends who care about me. I'll improve, always, progress, learning from my errors before they stay mistakes.
7:45 p.m.
I was too busy with office work to write, I had great news in the morning, Troy has proven his loyalty to me. These Tamil guys at Mr Cool, they've helped out, I love my Tamil friends, I'm happy I have friends. I'm feeling itchy, my hand and forehead are scratching, I wonder if mosquitos bit me or something. Thank G-d I can sleep in my room. I'm writing this letter for the last 10 hours; it's like 2,000 minutes of editing time.
8:00 p.m.
I love Cyndi Lauper's I Drove All Night, I love Cyndi Lauper! I love this song:
I had to escape
The city was sticky and cruel
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Songwriters: Billy Steinberg / Tom Kelly
I Drove All Night lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Universal Music Publishing Group
8:15 p.m.
I trust Troy Billet a lot. He's my friend. He's stood up for me. I'm lucky he's so cool. ██████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████
"I drove all night, to get to you
Is that alright?
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9:45 p.m.
I'm working on this letter, I dunno what exactly say, the less we say in it, the better it seems. i'm stressing. I have a lot of things ahead of me. My nails are getting long, I need to clip them. I dunno how people survived 1,000 years ago, with long fingernails, must've been annoying.
I saw some Obama visiting the Hiroshima memorial, I felt a bit confused. It was something that had to happen, but it was unnecessary, a Freemason president, Harry Truman ordered it. ████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████
I feel a bit extra confused about things. █████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ It seems like these people are out to get us, but not really, maybe, they just believe in morals/ethics, they want to just go with what they're doing-trying to change this world.
10:00 p.m.
I'm learning from Obama. The guy was okay. He was a good guy. I should learn how to respect people from him. █████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ It's really sad. If you look at history, maybe, it's better to focus on the lessons, the casualties, rather than the reasons to justify it. It's better to look at things like that.
█████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ It's getting old, I feel like I'm growing up. This whole old thing, I'm getting sick of it. I was just an unlucky kid, I got abused, I was born in the wrong place, I got hurt, I hurt, now, I should just be cool--wake up, grow up.