The Weight of Betrayal: A Reflection

7:00 p.m.

I cheated at my CIS high school Ordinary Level French exam. There is a written, listening and speaking test. I kept a file on the floor, it was see through, I cheated.

Miss Bimbi, the French teacher, she caught me, she sort of made it clear she knew I was cheating, she pushed the file around...

Lol.

She did not report me, nothing was said.

All throughout my life, I was given a second, third chance, the benefit of the doubt, the special treatment, people broke the rules for me, people looked the other way for me.

I seem to be confused right now. I am thinking, █████████████████████████████████████████

███████ is also a French teacher.

She speaks the language of love.

One moment, I do not know, next moment, I feel I have no choice, next minute, I realise I do not have to do anything at all, and that she was innocent.

Who cares?

Sandhya aunty, in the end, she treated me like a mother, Upali uncle made food for me, Udesh, Mahesh and Deshani were my brothers and sister.

What is wrong is wrong.

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I want to be Lehan. I just want to be Lehan.

I want to be Miss Bimbi.

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This guy James, I do not want to succeed if it means destroying his life. There is a better version of LKY, a humane LKY who I want to be.

I do not want to destroy anyone's life.

I do not want to ruin this guy Sandalal, he only said, "I will block you from entering People's Bank" because he was our family friend.

Plain and simple.

This guy James, I will be a leader. I read LKY as a child, I worshiped JFK, I looked up to Obama, I look up to Trump, I learned yesterday Harold Wilson is a hero, I look up to people, I want to be like them.

Do I want to be like Capone? Hell yeah! He is cool. Vito Corleone, Tony Montana, these guys are cool.

If I was Scarface, I too will not be able to kill a woman and her children.

If it meant getting Alejandro Sosa upset enough to send Geno Silva as The Skull to kill me, so be it..

If I was Vito, I probably will also say no to heroin, it is too volatile, it is too corrupt.

In SL, it is too risky, it is too volatile, the people in it, it is mostly criminal, the coolness is gone, it is nothing more than hateful, violent thuggery.

Betting, is cool, it is classy, it is okay.

I just want to never hurt anyone too much, unfairly, hurting this ███████ that much, is just wrong, I cannot live with it.

It is okay to let her go, just as Miss Bimbi, a French teacher, let me go.

It is the right thing to do.

Parrots, they are safe in our big aviary. They have each other, over 12 big parrots and us, our many relatives to keep company. We are always with them.

Birds die out in the wild, there are predators, there is no food, the environment is a killer, etc.

At least with us, with me, you have one of the top people in the world (IMO) to look after them!

It is about conservation.

They are very sensitive. You have to be very careful with them. They mistake things easily, you have to be gentle, they are extremely sensitive to emotions -- breaking their heart can depress and kill them.

This girl, ███████, okay, she came in, pretended to be a friend, got access to my team and uncle, let me down, betrayed me, took pictures of my dad's birds, then she sort of let us down again later, then left, trying to make us look bad -- she wanted to insult my family.

Even if these pictures were sent to authority, it is not a crime, the birds are well taken care of.

They are foreign, so, the rules are different.

The aviary bird cages are huge.

In fact, it is rare for a bird to have such a big huge aviary they can fly inside it!

There is plenty of food.

Our family is with them.

It is enough.

████████████████████████████████, it is cowardly, I will most likely get away with it, but it is a wicked act, it is not fair or justice or moral.

Destroying her life, it is going to be heavy on my conscience, it would be wrong.

These people in SL, a lot of them, all of them, they only respond to aggression and intimidation.

In SL, the standards are different, being compassionate, showing empathy and being honest, these are not exactly prized, honoured or accepted qualities.

But they are my virtues! I have to be Lehan. Being a b***h to people, getting rid of people, it is not me.

7:30 p.m.

I am watching this MasterClass by Samuel L Jackson, I love it, I love this stuff.

I saw it is Valentine's Day.

Hehehe, Capone, he did the whole Saint Valentine's Day massacre, dressing up as cops, I went to the police today, it is a coincidence.

I made myself a nice Marmite sandwich. I was a b***h to get Uber Eats to only deliver a loaf of bread to me.

I am struggling to open the strawberry jam bottle. I will try again. I want some for today.

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7:45 p.m.

I am having a good time. I think staying alive, is very important, the rest is an addition.

What is in my scrawny hands? Have I sold my soul?