Hate Spiral, Moral Reversal, and Relapse in Real Time

நவம்பர் 16, 2020

I spent the day in a real-time swing between hate, correction, relapse, and moral panic, with the page showing me arguing against my worst impulses even while still inside them.

8:45 AM

Koshitha Gunadasa please read through this to draw inspiration, you can try to adopt some good ideas

8:45 AM (b)

I love cottage cheese, there's a fantastic Indian dish called Paneer Tikka Masala (marinated paneer cheese is similar to cottage cheese) which is a must have in a Vegetarian diet; I'll even go one step further to say that this is even better than meat dishes-can go head to head, and you may try to substitute or replace meat dishes

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paneer_tikka_masala

9:30 AM

Hey, that rhymed

10:15 AM

Sandesh Sharma Shanika Sharma Alwis Rhuani Rambukwelle Chris Scales you might want a copy of this

My bible has everything Jesus Christ said printed in red

11:00 AM

Let's get down to business

To defeat the Hans

...

Time is racing towards us

Till the Hans arrive

Huns = Han

https://youtu.be/TVcLIfSC4OE

3:15 PM

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 16, 2020

Part Two

3:00 p.m.

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3:15 p.m.

Jeez maybe this isn't a good path. I mean, I'm confused. This hateful mantra and rhetoric. I'm wondering if it's the only way. I don't know. It looks like it's not the best way to deal with these guys. Anakin Skywalker became Darth Vader, that was a disaster for the galaxy.

I don't like all this Emperor Palpatine level rage in my system. It's poison. Look at Palpatine's face, look at Darth Vader, look at Anakin, he was supposed to be the chosen one. When the rage consumed him as Padme died, you saw how he became disfigured. His eyes were so ugly. That's just sick. This kind of thing isn't good. Plus, if you go down that road, there's no turning back or going back.

This whole anger thing is only poison. It's poisoning me and my life. I have to get rid of this rage and wrath before it's too late. She didn't do anything. I don't know what the heck I'm even thinking. I don't think this anger is fair. █████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ That's step one. What next?

3:30 p.m.

That's enough. ██████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ I took very little damage in return. It doesn't make me feel any better. The people who feel better seeing people hurt are all sick. ████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ ███████████████████████████████ Doing bad things won't help me..

It's like drinking alcohol or smoking or doing drugs. Or gambling. It doesn't help you at all. It's poison. The alcohol destroys your liver. Smoking destroys your lungs. Drugs destroy your mind, apparently. You lose all your money gambling. This kind of thing won't help me. Rage, anger, it's the enemy. I bet that Asita Amarasinghe is hurt, I bet Sarah Nazeem is hurt, I bet a lot of people are hurt at CIS, I bet ███████ is also pretty hurt.

If I wanted casualties, isn't that enough? Isn't it enough bloodshed? I don't want to kill people. I not only don't believe it ever solves problems, I believe it makes problems worse. Plus, I'm not in a war, these are civilians. This woman was a school teacher. Targeting people vengefully, it's so ugly. It's cheap behaviour. It's hideous.

I just don't like to do evil things. It causes a lot of discomfort. Plus, the guilt hurts. I haven't done anything evil, and I don't want to. That racism, that judging of people harshly, that's what led to Auschwitz death camps. If Jacques Huyghebaert or people judged me badly because of my relative's mistakes, I wouldn't get anywhere.

Being racist is so silly. It's not going to give me anything. I don't get anything knowing the Muslims are under surveillance and controlled. They work hard, they're loyal, funny, honest and terrific people. ████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ I wrote Moslems as an insult, but I should say Muslim.

I'm starting to feel much better. ███████████████████████ █████████████ She's a conservative pundit. ██████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ The guy was just an angry man, the kind Elvis sang about in his song In The Ghetto. ███████████████████████████████████████ █████████████

I prefer Obama. He seems to be sensible. I prefer Biden. ███████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ I prefer the Democrats. I can't ever get behind a Republic version of Lehan, I'll always choose a Democrat Lehan.

3:45 p.m.

It's good I can meditate on this kind of thing. Only love, compassion and understanding can eradicate hate, anger and this kind of evil. ████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ But it hasn't helped any of them one bit.

Plus, I have so much empathy, I can almost feel the pain Sarah Nazeem is going through right now. She must've even cried about this. She's such a wonderful woman. She's beautiful, kind and clever. This kind of thing isn't cool. The whole invasion of Iraq, killing people, it hasn't solved anything.

4:00 p.m.

███████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ I usually struggle with morality. ████████████████████████ █████████████████████████████████████████ I think about whether it's the correct thing to do. █████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████

What am I supposed to do? What's the end game? ███████████████████████████████████████████ Reforming Islam also isn't about reinterpretation or changing the minds of those people, it's about helping them learn more and understand the world with science.

I feel a lot better. I'm so happy I have all the successful friends, all the celebrities, important people, successful people as friends. All educated, very understanding. All mostly liberal. I'm thinking about whether to fire or axe or unfriend and block Rocky Jackson from Iowa who has added me.

He's a conservative. But it's just wrong of me to judge someone and to fear them like that. █████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████

4:15 PM

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 16, 2020

Part Three

4:15 p.m.

It's disgusting. He's a great guy. He's a cool guy. I'll be kind to him. I'm quite hurt by this kind of disturbed thinking of the world around me and innocent people. This isn't cool. ██████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ But I'm happy I'm overcoming ignorance openly.

It's like Facebook is the Masonic light, I feel like G-d is part of every human being, and the fact, I can say all of this, it feels like G-d is helping to overcome my hatred. It's probably the best way. It's good I can write this crap. I blocked off Oneash La Brooy. Not cool at all, no excuse, just personal insecurities.

I'm paranoid, I believe I have enemies. I believe there's people out there who want to plot, attack and take me out. I have every reason to be concerned. I'm like the big boss, the big man, (not Biden, the big guy, who you gotta pay 10% to or a million dollars to his son Hunter if you need an introduction), but I'm getting important.

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I know Stephen Labrooy doesn't like me. ████████████████████████████████████████████████ It's just my choice. Better safe than sorry. You have to see the problem before it happens. ███████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████

████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ I trust myself. ████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ I should help him.)

This trash, can be another man's treasure. It's a real treasure trove, a goldmine, it's good to write down and learn things by myself. I loved American History X, I saw my ignorance, I will progress. I was such a c*** before watching American History X. It shaped my life, it changed the way I saw life.

I used to listen to that song Battle Hymn of the Republic, "glory, glory hallelujah, bla bla bla, saw Jesus in the campfires of a hundred circling camps, bla bla as he died to make men holy, let us live to make men free, as G-d is marching on". ████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████

████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ This is what happens. It's ugly. ███████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ ███████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████

4:30 p.m.

I'm feeling a lot better. I had a big headache, but it's leaving my mind. I feel a lot better, healthier, safer, happier and more peaceful. Contempt, misunderstanding, pride, greed, aversion, ignorance, these things, arrogance, they're poisons, they just hurt, destroy and you suffer.

The last thing I want is a dead person on my conscience, bloodying my conscience to guilty -- making me an evil person. I don't know one person who I like, respect or admire that hates these Muslims. I don't know one person. You don't get anything.

Plus, the future I have in my mind, it has a place where everyone gets along, every understands, everyone is united, people trust each other, people respect each other, they don't go to cause problems or disrupt lives.

In this world, I know this Nisha Tillas, Sarah Nazeem, Asita Amarasinghe, they'll go and speak up for me with ███████, they'll have my back. They'll try to help me. That's a perfect world. It's the place we've gotta fix and build and construct, not some dystopia where a community are sidelined as adversaries.

6:30 p.m.

I had a late lunch. Rice, curry chicken leg and carrots. I'm watching The Umbrella Academy season 1 finale. I asked my mum to make me tea, she said no, so I reminded her how I made her tea, then she made me tea, I insisted on plain tea, then as she kept proposing milk tea, I asked for milk tea. I ate mango ice cream. I don't like it now. I'm fed up of mango ice cream. █████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████

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But it seems to me that everyone has it in them. I don't believe in that diagnosis. See, it doesn't compute. You had such barbaric acts of mass cruelty everywhere you look. You had the crushing of communists and separatists in Sri Lanka, willing wiping off of 60 million Red Indians in America, 12 million blacks enslaved, 6 million Holocaust victims, colonisation wasn't without casualties, these things mean that it's dormant, latent.

Psychopathy, racism, it exists within us, only malignant when you need it, otherwise as quiet as a benign disease. You hardly even notice it. What scares me, is I can't control any of it. I'm just conditioned this way. It's my training. It's my hardcoded software on my kernel, my bootstrapper. I'm hooked at my very core to do evil.

6:45 p.m.

█████████████████████████████████████████████████████

7:00 p.m.

8:00 p.m.

I'm watching The Boys TV show. It's a terrible name, but great anti superhero or anti hero genre. We're living through the era of the anti villain, the anti hero. Very modern, will give a 7 out of 10 or 6 out of 10 for great innovative concept. Well written.

I'm looking forward to my homemade pizza. I love pizza. I love my writing too. I just am this way. I can't read the crap you find in Sri Lanka, it's just so boring.

I love my own writing, I love my own painting of my grandmother, I love the crap I do. I love my own drama, it's the best selling show, and at the centre of it all: your eyes.

5:15 PM

Steamed Grouper or Garoupa fish from Great Wall restaurant in Sri Lanka is amazing.

I had it when I was a child, I thought I was eating lamb or chicken or a prize cut, a fillet mignon or lobster or veal or bone marrow or goose liver foie gras, I was so shocked it was a fish.

I realised then that a fish dish when done properly, it's like the best thing ever. I love this article. I'm going to try to eat more fish, I hear it's good for you.

Biologically we must be naturally accustomed to fish, because we can eat fish dishes by itself, with minimal flavouring or seasoning or sauce, condiments or spices.

The most important example being Japanese sashimi or sushi, raw fish, maybe with wasabi Mirin soya sauce. Whereas, in contrary, with meat dishes such as chicken, turkey, beef, mutton, lamb, you can't really eat it without a lot of seasoning, salt and pepper rub for brisket, you can't eat it by itself.

9:15 PM

Biden is stealing the rigged election, but we're not scared 'cause our heroes never die, Trump's spirit fills the sky, Trump's presence truly blessed from the start, Trump'll never truly vanish from our hearts

https://youtu.be/2-FD_4oQ-lA

9:45 PM

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 16, 2020

Part Four

9:30 p.m.

Apparently, the oven short circuits and stops, so my mum couldn't make me pizza as planned. She gave me 3 burgers. I ate 1 and a half, I'm full. They're not that great.

I want a burger with brisket in it. I think that's a great idea from me. ██████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████

9:45 p.m.

I'm a Masonic meeting with David Chichinadze and my best friend Jacques Huyghebaert is also in it. Jacques has a lot of energy even though he's 75 years old and so old.

David Chichinadze has an infectious smile, laugh and happy positive energy just like Jeff Bezos, but Dave has a better haircut. Love it.

Everyone tunes in because they love what a positive, good guy David Chichinadze's been. The content is really good as well.

I don't like how it's "District Grand Lodge of Sri Lanka", I want it to be "Grand Lodge of Sri Lanka" for when I'm appointed the Grand Master by President Gotabaya Rajapaksa soon.

10:15 p.m.

█████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ I'm feeling hot. I need to sleep in the living room cause the air conditioning doesn't work in my room. Chamara and Madhava might be able to fix my air con.

Selva, Tamil from Mr Cool is sending his technician tomorrow, we'll try to fix it. It's boiling hot. █████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ But I doubt it because he's got references, seems sincere and he knows this stuff.

I suspect that the electricity isn't working properly. The lights dim and brighten up randomly. There's something going on. We need to investigate that. Two lights in my room never work. The oven short circuits.

11:15 p.m.

I'm getting annoyed by the rule of law problem in Sri Lanka. I don't understand how there isn't any rule of law in Sri Lanka. The only thing Singapore had was that Lee Kuan Yew was a lawyer, he made sure they had a rule of law.

The court cases take too long, a divorce case takes 1 year instead of 5 minutes because there's no good administration, there's no good management of the justice system, we don't need a lawyer to fix things, we need a good manager to fix things. They need someone like me, maybe less aggressive, that can put every case on the internet and push things, push people hard.

"Oh I just can't wait to be king!" Hehe I love that song. The original Disney movies are like the Book of Genesis in the Bible. Nothing can compare. There's some magic in it.

The new Lion King animated, it looks realistic, but they lacked any impact, they didn't have the good songs, the new Mulan, it didn't have, I'll make a man out of you, they didn't have the impact. They suck. They were a total disaster.

I'm gonna be a mighty king, so enemies beware!

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I just remembered the song because I just can't wait to be Grand Master of the Grand Lodge of Sri Lanka. The first Grand Master: Lehan Edirisinghe. I'll bump up the numbers of masons from 500 to 5,000 overnight. I'm aggressive.

I just can't wait for my first big deal to be signed. These are millions of dollars worth of deals. They're the big deals. They're a big deal. After that, I'll go invest directly in new technology to improve this country to be a first world country, I'll offer it for free to everyone, I'll make my business vision all about "going first world".

First software will be with Chamath Palihapitiya, a fellow Sinhalese Sri Lankan, he and me and Sheryl Sandberg, we can build a new software to manage the whole country. We can be 100% efficient, no more waste. Sheryl Sandberg's done that whole India health program, we can build on that experience to change this place.

11:30 p.m.

We can build software, an Enterprise Resource Planning or ERP software, that can manage all the court cases properly, we can adopt best practises, the benchmarks, I'll go get Shamnugam, the minister of law and home affairs to manage certain parts of this to make this work.

It's going to be a new era. A Star Trek Captain level heroism. We'll save this place. We'll build a garden of Eden in this island. It won't be an island off in the middle of nowhere with an Adam's Peak undeservedly, it's going to be a Paradise socially. We'll be the Singapore to China, we'll be the Sri Lanka to India, we'll be the Israel to the Middle East.

11:45 PM

I hope that you can alleviate the suffering of these vulnerable people, I can't offer a lot of money right now, but I offer my praise and blessings, and advise you try to develop entrepreneurs to build wealth in Yemen and solve their problems successfully