I don't know why I am this way. And this is pretty introspective. I can't explain how I feel about stuff. Or why. I removed over 1,000 friends on Facebook. I have severe trust issues. And I haven't been able to. It feels like, lifting weights, a 50kg dumbbell. I can't do it. It's how I see relationships. I struggle, just so badly, with it.
I haven't just removed 1,000+ friends I did friend on FB. I also, refused, so many more. I think it's perhaps my personality. I'm not like healthy up there. I think that in 60 Minutes, I saw someone talk about Zuckerberg, as sort of, struggling with people too. Or whatnot.
I can relate. I struggle badly. I have my guard up, all the time, like I'm in a boxing ring, and if I don't keep it up, Floyd Mayweather Jr will suckerpunch me. I feel like, it's a survival complex. And it's what kept me alive thus far. So I keep it up.
I saw my cats, are super sensitive too. They don't forgive you when you hurt them. I am not as whatever brittle as an eggshell. I just, feel like, when there's real danger, I prefer to avoid or mitigate it down as much as possible.
I am not open to new friendships. I am not open to new opportunities or possibilities. I see those are just openings to new enemies. I see new openings to challenges, problems and drama. I am not a believer. And it's how I am.
I still will welcome, support and cheer for people I was blessed to see in my life, such as Buddesh or whomever else. I don't really care. I am just a little bit distanced, I'm not a people person. I won't use the anti social personality disorder technical diagnostics phrasing at this time. I just, I dunno. I like to be by myself or in a small circle.
I never add friends on Facebook. I just try to be super kind, friendly and play a positive role in their lives. I know those boundaries are hard to not confuse, especially when people try to be professional, but I still do what I believe is correct.