Train-Crash Clip Distribution Request Through Family Contacts

October 20, 2020

The public record is sparse here, which leaves the day feeling more like a held-back page than a fully narrated one, with the omission itself becoming part of the mood.

11:30 AM

Shanika Sharma Alwis Akki, please share these clips of train crashes with Sharma uncle:

1. https://youtu.be/GduFDV_oY2s

2. https://youtu.be/E-vWjMM8q44

3. https://youtu.be/ugNOexkTkUw

4. https://youtu.be/1SjZVcg6giU

5. https://youtu.be/-h_FTY_hF-0

6. https://youtu.be/z4tGuR10nUk

7. https://youtu.be/yfLNz9G27sM

8. https://youtu.be/0ZpjmwtG3qI

9. https://youtu.be/9QdEOTiimdY

10. https://youtu.be/nWWY7UrnfuY

I used to enjoy hanging out with Sharma uncle. He was my dad's best friend -- the one he trusted most, was closest to and spent the most time with.

He'd always say "bloody" (which was a "bad word" I wasn't allowed to say) and smoke cigarettes all the time (even in the bathroom) and I remember seeing him sit with my dad looking at our parrots often..

I saw so much guilt, pain and suffering in Sharma uncle that day: 20 August 2005.

He blamed himself completely as he was the driver. He's ashamed.. but he shouldn't be ashamed of himself...

I didn't think twice shaking Sharma uncle's hand and forgiving him when he saw us that day and asked for forgiveness because there was nothing to forgive..

I know how guilt can destroy someone like Christian Bale in The Machinist (2004), or Judas Iscariot, but Survivor's Guilt isn't fair.

My Thathi wouldn't want his best friend to be in that kind of situation..

Sharma uncle didn't do anything.

Others have died tragically at the same place previously.

Please ask him to see those videos to realise how this could've happened to anyone.

God bless Sharma uncle, Shalima aunty, Sandesh aiya and you.

Please visit us! It's Sharma uncle's memories of my Thathi that keep him alive.

We only really die when people forget us and when we can remember him through Sharma uncle, Thathi'll be with us always.

1:15 AM

Don't give those terrorists a chance to attack Israel.

1:15 AM (b)

These terrorists attacking Israel are just Nazis

1:45 AM

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 21, 2020

1:00 a.m.

Rage.

[██████████████████████ left our start up!! :'( ]

1:15 a.m.

Rage.

1:30 a.m.

Rage.

1:45 a.m.

I self censor any evil thoughts, evil words or evil deeds. It's good for the natural evil to come out, write it down and then understand, defeat and replace the evil with good. I'm getting good at it.

The Freudian id has to have less and less power over all people -- starting with me.

2:00 a.m.

I feel a lot better. I have sort of won. No evil thoughts. No anger. It seems to have just gone away. I shouldn't write about the triggers or reasons or explain, it just sets me off on a tirade of wrath and ranting is sad.

I should just be cool. I'm so much cooler now. I get exposed to a lot of negativity. I obviously react angrily. I should just ride the wave, avoid falling into the water -- then get back on the beach or the shore.

I should just write "Rage" -- no explanation, no adjectives, nothing. It's just evil. It's my insecurities and my hatred and contempt and prejudices -- nothing more.

3:30 p.m.

I didn't finish this sentence.

6:30 p.m.

I came up with a very clever, ingenious idea. I'll do something very smart. I have a good feeling about this. I'm not good at mathematics at all, but I can plot really well.

8:00 p.m.

I need to get President Gotabaya Rajapaksa, Prime Minister Mahinda Rajapaksa, Defence Secretary Kamal Gunarathna and Army Commander Shavendra Silva to make sure that there's CCTV cameras installed in and around the entire Freemasons Victoria Masonic Hall or Victoria Masonic Temple compound in Colombo.

I'll notify District Grand Master Ferhad Jamshed Nilgiriya and Army Commander Shavendra Silva in writing by this week. I'll make sure my mum calls him and gets this instructed by the President.

10:45 p.m.

I must make sure I'm safe as a Freemason. ██████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ I'll definitely demand background and reference checks too. ████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████