Story

4:15 PM තුළ November 16

…

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 16, 2020

Part Three

4:15 p.m.

It's disgusting. He's a great guy. He's a cool guy. I'll be kind to him. I'm quite hurt by this kind of disturbed thinking of the world around me and innocent people. This isn't cool. ██████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ But I'm happy I'm overcoming ignorance openly.

It's like Facebook is the Masonic light, I feel like G-d is part of every human being, and the fact, I can say all of this, it feels like G-d is helping to overcome my hatred. It's probably the best way. It's good I can write this crap. I blocked off Oneash La Brooy. Not cool at all, no excuse, just personal insecurities.

I'm paranoid, I believe I have enemies. I believe there's people out there who want to plot, attack and take me out. I have every reason to be concerned. I'm like the big boss, the big man, (not Biden, the big guy, who you gotta pay 10% to or a million dollars to his son Hunter if you need an introduction), but I'm getting important.

████████████████████████████████████████████████ ███████████████████████ ███████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████

I know Stephen Labrooy doesn't like me. ████████████████████████████████████████████████ It's just my choice. Better safe than sorry. You have to see the problem before it happens. ███████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████

████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ I trust myself. ████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ I should help him.)

This trash, can be another man's treasure. It's a real treasure trove, a goldmine, it's good to write down and learn things by myself. I loved American History X, I saw my ignorance, I will progress. I was such a c*** before watching American History X. It shaped my life, it changed the way I saw life.

I used to listen to that song Battle Hymn of the Republic, "glory, glory hallelujah, bla bla bla, saw Jesus in the campfires of a hundred circling camps, bla bla as he died to make men holy, let us live to make men free, as G-d is marching on". ████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████

████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ This is what happens. It's ugly. ███████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ ███████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████

4:30 p.m.

I'm feeling a lot better. I had a big headache, but it's leaving my mind. I feel a lot better, healthier, safer, happier and more peaceful. Contempt, misunderstanding, pride, greed, aversion, ignorance, these things, arrogance, they're poisons, they just hurt, destroy and you suffer.

The last thing I want is a dead person on my conscience, bloodying my conscience to guilty -- making me an evil person. I don't know one person who I like, respect or admire that hates these Muslims. I don't know one person. You don't get anything.

Plus, the future I have in my mind, it has a place where everyone gets along, every understands, everyone is united, people trust each other, people respect each other, they don't go to cause problems or disrupt lives.

In this world, I know this Nisha Tillas, Sarah Nazeem, Asita Amarasinghe, they'll go and speak up for me with ███████, they'll have my back. They'll try to help me. That's a perfect world. It's the place we've gotta fix and build and construct, not some dystopia where a community are sidelined as adversaries.

6:30 p.m.

I had a late lunch. Rice, curry chicken leg and carrots. I'm watching The Umbrella Academy season 1 finale. I asked my mum to make me tea, she said no, so I reminded her how I made her tea, then she made me tea, I insisted on plain tea, then as she kept proposing milk tea, I asked for milk tea. I ate mango ice cream. I don't like it now. I'm fed up of mango ice cream. █████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████

███████████████████████████████████████ ████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ ████████████████ ██████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████

But it seems to me that everyone has it in them. I don't believe in that diagnosis. See, it doesn't compute. You had such barbaric acts of mass cruelty everywhere you look. You had the crushing of communists and separatists in Sri Lanka, willing wiping off of 60 million Red Indians in America, 12 million blacks enslaved, 6 million Holocaust victims, colonisation wasn't without casualties, these things mean that it's dormant, latent.

Psychopathy, racism, it exists within us, only malignant when you need it, otherwise as quiet as a benign disease. You hardly even notice it. What scares me, is I can't control any of it. I'm just conditioned this way. It's my training. It's my hardcoded software on my kernel, my bootstrapper. I'm hooked at my very core to do evil.

6:45 p.m.

█████████████████████████████████████████████████████

7:00 p.m.

8:00 p.m.

I'm watching The Boys TV show. It's a terrible name, but great anti superhero or anti hero genre. We're living through the era of the anti villain, the anti hero. Very modern, will give a 7 out of 10 or 6 out of 10 for great innovative concept. Well written.

I'm looking forward to my homemade pizza. I love pizza. I love my writing too. I just am this way. I can't read the crap you find in Sri Lanka, it's just so boring.

I love my own writing, I love my own painting of my grandmother, I love the crap I do. I love my own drama, it's the best selling show, and at the centre of it all: your eyes.