SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 28, 2020
12:15 a.m.
From the end of this week, I must shed my old skin, forgive and forget, let go of old wounds and hate and hurt, let go of any racist and ignorant and weak ideas. G-d loves me, G-d has gifted me so much and given me more than I can ask for, I have to act honorably in keeping with all the blessings most graciously bestowed upon me.
3:00 p.m.
I had a tuna sandwich for breakfast, I ate Maggi Curry Flavour Instant Noodles with Olive Oil last night, I washed the plate in the middle of the night. I'm feeling a bit weak. I hope it's not diabetes. I doubt it. I must be okay. I'm watching Emily in Paris TV show. I have to find English subtitles, It's all in French.
4:00 p.m.
Omg, every time I do something "nice", I get this real itch in my brain organ, it hurts, it starts to add up and I get so sick. I just can't do it. I'm just going to be me. If I could be Biden to win an election and Trump to lose, I will be Trump because I love to be real. That's just it. I can't go with it. I don't know.
I'm in a phase of self improvement, I have to think about things and myself. I have to really assess myself. Think about my life, my choices and decisions and what I've been through, what I did, where I am, who am I and where I want to go from here. I have to make decisions, I can't explain it.
It's strange. It's how I can't play football, I can't play cricket, I can't play basketball or go swimming or play an instrument or act on a stage, or publish what I write. I just don't like it. I like to sing in the shower by myself. I love to be myself. I love to move away from people.
███████████ I love excitement. ████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ ███████████████████████████████████████████████████████ I can't do it. The difference between me and my favourite person is I just will never share my secret recipes, I can't do it.
I'm insecure. I feel like life is a competition. I feel people are out to get me. I don't feel like I can trust anyone. I act on my beliefs and I don't think I'll ever really change, ever. I won't share my recipes, otherwise people will steal my ideas. I don't open up, ██████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████
I have learned the bad things, the wrong things and I make decisions every single hour, I make decisions, I don't want to give anyone anything, I don't want anyone in my life. I interview 100s of people every week, I lead my team from the front, they all want to add me on Facebook or LinkedIn, I can't add them..
I don't want to. I don't want them in my life. I don't trust anyone. ████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ I feel relief. The word relief is what governs that whole thing. ████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████
4:15 p.m.
I'm eating Koshi Aiya's CMB Treats Chocolate Mousse. It's pretty good. Nothing special. Not bad. Just what you expect. I guess, if they put some booze, or CBD oil, I would've been happier. ███████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████
7:15 p.m.
I had a shower. There's a bit of yellow inbetween my front top two bunny teeth. Just a bit. I need to show dentist and do something. I'm having a good day on 60 mg of Mirtazapine. I have decided I'm a "Reformed Buddhist".
It's a clever label, I can use it strategically as I move away from everyone more and more. ████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████
██████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ I feel a disconnect. ███████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████
██████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████
██████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ ███████████████████████████████████ █████████████████████████████████████████████ ████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████
█████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████
7:30 p.m.
███████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████. There's too much risk, they'll only cause problems, there's no point, the whole point is to transfer to the US or California / New York crowd or the tech companies and people.
It's not like anyone in the world is looking at Sri Lanka or the Buddhists and saying, "oh look at how they have morals or are doing well, let's be like them". No that never happened, it never happens and I don't believe it will.
8:30 p.m.
I'm happy America is leading the way forward. █████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ Today: America is still leading the way. ███████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████
Maybe, with a few improvements, we can make this place a First World Sri Lanka: The Dream. I gotta build technology and get this court system online 2.0 v.1 off the ground. I'm unhappy with how slow these guys are.
8:45 p.m.
I'll be happier tomorrow. These people around me, all of them aren't the same. There's bad friends and good friends. Why keep people who hate me around me? ██████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████
