Story

1:45 AM තුළ May 3

…

1:15 a.m.

This PTSD is a real b***h!

I keep getting negative thoughts on ███████.

I will probably ████████████. I have a right to.

I will be very cautious, but still do it.

I cut my fingernails and toenails. So, now, I can pick my nose and my ears.

I am a bit like Joyce Carol Oates, I describe things that people do, that they never say --

So, people feel comfortable (counterintuitively) -- it is a big untapped, taboo iceberg market.

I always pick my nose.

I brushed my teeth. I bleed from my teeth a bit, every now and then.

I only use the dental floss once a week or fortnightly (every 2 weeks) or monthly.

There is a small redness in my face, above the (my side) left eyebrow, I am so self conscious--

I pressed it in, and then, it disappears, and then -- when I took my finger off, it appears again.

My white friends in the UK, their skin is white and pale, so I could see the blue colour veins --

and so, Pauline Weiss and also Alex and others, I did "an experiment", I pushed the vein --

just gently squeezed it, to see if the blood would clog up, like in a garden hose, and then, build up, and then burst up -- it did not happen.

But it is interesting. I dunno. I am a bit of a scientist. I really thought their veins would buildup and block.

Hmmm

I usually put skin moisturizer on my face when bad things happen, but now, I know--

the skin creams I have are so old, like 2 or 5 years old, so, it is probably expired--

though, it is not printed that these things have an expiration date at all.

1:30 a.m.

I filled my water bottle with cold water.

I keep my plastic water bottle on my red colour plastic chair "stool" next to my bed --

the cold water, it condenses or perspires or creates a small puddle of water on my red chair stool.

When I wake up, or when I reach out for my water bottle, it often drips water on me.

I have a small stubble beard now, I want to cut it off, I do not like beards.

My Gillette Series 7 machine razer is too precious, and also, I cannot get spare parts or the cleaning fluid --

So, I never use it. I use my razer blade by itself, because for months now, I could not find a good razer handle.

I have an extremely bad temper.

Like right now, my f***ing air conditioning is acting up, it is not really working -- and I am screaming --

I am screaming at that ████ ███ son of a █████ █████.

You need reliable people, █████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████

█████████████████

███████████████████████████

██████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████

██████████████████████

███████████████████

█████

There should be tier 1, tier 2, tier 3 people who do stuff, so, I can pick people who can do it.

I am quite happy with my anger, it could be complex PTSD, but it helps me feel safe

Anger is natural and healthy (though toxic) because it removes the f***ing c***s from my life

***

I really like space

I like JFK's work and speech and s***

https://youtu.be/vkvLWaTKABM

Wix speeds :

https://www.wixseoexpert.com/post/tips-to-improve-wix-loading-speed