And yeah, I acted like I have severe anorexia, or bulimia nervosa, and I acted or was like a very badly damaged baggage, not even a person
But it wasn't, it was Complex PTSD, and there's a dangerous eating disorder, which is like a punishing resistance to eat.
I also, have a very badly damaged inner self, psyche or spirit, which is self punishing obsessed, and it's not healthy perhaps.
It's self sabotaging, but I have recovered somewhat.
That yetzer hara, thing, is scary
It's also to do with the dark side of God, kind of causing all of that
It's a Jewish belief, or interpretation
There is no real satan in Judaism, there is only God, and there are sides to him
At least in original Judaism
I am going to be fine
Upali uncle was making me these, sandwiches, which he called, toasts, which were these buttery toast, with some vegetables or stuff on it
And cheese
And he loved to make those, it had green color peppers or stuff
And it was really good, with onions
Deshani, was talking about butter chicken once, and they force fed me
When I saw Suresh Sallay, he was not eating in Welikada prison, I saw he'd been given a feeding tube through the nose
And I was thinking of trying that, so I can gain weight.
I went to see specialist, eating disorder care, and my dietician Abi Redman in Leicester, but, I saw these girls in there who had actual anorexia. And it was frightening to me. They were so skinny, like way worse than me. And they were like actively refusing food.
I struggle to eat, like that Crohn's disease, people, like Mr Beast, or that umm, Davidson, Scott's son Pete, I hear. Or like, Billy Bob Thornton.
I just don't gain, Raja Hettiarachchi tried to get my weight up, with medical products, which he mailed from IMF office, or WB, which was a funny package for Uni of Leicester student campus to receive for once!
But it didn't work, I think I really risk organ failure, as I'm losing weight, so I might need to use like a feeding tube.