1:15 a.m.
I love how the Jewish people are mature. I love how, even as a young persecuted girl, my inspiring hero, Anne Frank, just a teenager who knew the Germans were coming to kill her, she wrote about sex. This is a simple act of charity. It helped people accept it. It was because of Howard Stern and many people, people like Joseph Gordon Levitt in Don Jon, or Marlon Brando and Johnny Depp in Don Juan DeMarco, or my own Jewish doctor Trevor Friedman who helped people accept it. A long time ago, King David, has sex with Bathsheba, then kills Uriah. It is a disgusting act of betrayal. However, Jacques taught me, it was something that happened in those times, a long time ago. It is all added up, it made it normal. I feel overpowered in SL. I feel I cannot really make any improvements, I am outnumbered, I am overpowered by these guys who seem fixated in keeping things terrible!
I remember Dr Friedman, he and me, we had to talk about "talking to girls" because I was too scared to do it. I value his support. It is strange. Somehow, someone, I met for a few hours, a Nottingham University professor or lecturer, he had to help me with this kind of thing. I was terrified. I told Dr Friedman my dad "j█████████████████████████████" as a lie, instead of the truth,█████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████" I was still scared. I was scared I would get hurt. I was uncomfortable talking about this stuff with him, I was embarrassed, I did not think sex was a topic worth talking about. He made me read a book by Melanie Fennel called, "Understanding and Overcoming Low Self Esteem". He and Dr Loumidis gave me many exercises and homework to do. When I read Melanie's book, I was distraught to learn some countries like SL, it is common for bad things to happen, child abuse is normal, it destroys a kid's self esteem and health. It is likely I will never really recover. This whole damn Captain's Log is an extensive suicide note! I tried to switch the topic off sex and avoid it when Dr Friedman interrogated me, I was embarrassed. It was painful, too many flashbacks of the child abuse. It was according to Dr Joshua Kua, a Pavlov's Dog syndrome, I thought ████████████, it causes some kind of bad thing to happen.
I told Dr Friedman about my ████████. He is super clever. I knew then the racist social theory that the Ashkenazi Jewish people were genetically more intelligent was true. Dr Friedman diagnosed Complex PTSD, he is a genius. Dr Kua diagnosed depression. I feel too hurt to reveal what the local SL doctors say. Dr Friedman, he told me about the "█████████████████████████████" or █████████, he was very clever. I invested in his expertise and care. It was my Marlon Brando as Dr. Jack Mickler. It was very critical in my life, it was the point when I suddenly understood what was wrong with me, why, and how I can recover.
1:30 a.m.
Heather Hailes-Granger, a kind lady, she did weekly therapy for me. It was pretty difficult, it hurt my academic performance as this stuff was intense, these were deep childhood wounds and I made a big deal about how█████████████████████████████████████████████████-and he died the next day, so I █████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████I was blushing. It was terrible, she was a woman, which made it more embarrassing! I wanted to run out, I wanted to cry, I was ashamed, I wanted to hide behind the chair -- then tell her, so I did not have to look at her. She had a nice reed diffuser set in her room. I copied her. I told her bravely, I did it in my bathroom! It is terrible. Terrible. It is terrible. This stuff, it is disgusting, it is terrible.
