Kevin Hart Roast Rankings

AngryPages Rankings for Kevin Hart's Roast

Rank - Roast - Score

1. Jeff Ross → Pete, 9/11 father hit: 10.0

2. Shane → Sheryl, husband/bridge hit: 9.7

3. Draymond → Chelsea, abortion/LAPD hit: 9.2

4. Pete → Tony, child-molester doll hit: 8.8

5. Chelsea → Tony, school-shooter hit: 8.5

6. Katt → Kevin, enemy/GOAT/punchlines hit: 8.1

7. Tom → Kevin, real dad showed up: 8.0

8. Shane → Kevin, absent father/Jumanji: 7.8

9. The Rock → Kevin, dad/crack/tiny bag: 7.6

10. Big Jay → Draymond, daughter/strip club: 7.4

11. Katt → Kevin, Diddy age joke: 7.2

12. Na’im → Kevin, career over wife: 7.0

13. Jeff → Kevin, dad walked out/movie walkout: 6.9

14. Chelsea → whole male dais/predator frame: 6.8

15. Pete → Tony/Kanye Nazi line: 6.7

16. Shane → Kevin, Oscars/homophobia reversal: 6.6

17. The Rock → Kevin’s wife/sex joke: 6.5

18. Na’im → Kevin, no awards/Grammy died: 6.3

19. Shane → Kevin, Saudi/Aladdin monkey: 6.2

20. Jeff → Kevin, Prince was short but great: 6.0

AngryPages Scale: 9–10: almost too brutal. 8–8.9: personal wound. 7–7.9: savage roast hit. 6–6.9: strong joke, less vicious.

1. Jeff Ross → Pete Davidson — 9/11 Father Hit

Viciousness: 10

Quote:

By the way, Underwood is also where they found Pete Davidson's dad on 9/11. Pete's dad was a firefighter that died heroically and somehow Pete gets all the p*ssy his dad deserves. In honor of his dad, Pete only f*ck nines and elevens.

Meaning:

Jeff attacks Pete Davidson through the most painful public fact about him: his father died as a firefighter during 9/11. The joke does not merely say, “Pete’s dad died.” It takes that tragedy and twists it into a sexual/status joke about Pete getting women.

Why it is so brutal:

This is not normal roast territory. It combines Pete’s dead father, national tragedy, heroism, Pete’s public dating reputation, and sexual humiliation. That is why it feels cold-blooded. The joke takes something sacred and turns it into a punchline.

Why the room accepts it:

Pete has built part of his public image on dark self-awareness. He has joked about trauma before, so the roast has permission to go there. Without Pete’s own dark-comedy image, this joke would feel almost impossible to say.

Why it works:

The joke has a nasty three-step structure. First, it reminds everyone of the dead father. Second, it twists the father’s hero status into Pete’s sex life. Third, it turns 9/11 itself into wordplay. That is why it ranks #1. It is not just offensive. It is engineered.

2. Shane Gillis → Sheryl Underwood — Husband / Bridge Hit

Viciousness: 9.7

Quote:

Apparently, Black does crack if it's married to Sheryl and jumps off a f*cking roof.

Callback:

The Golden State Warriors logo is a bridge. Don't show that to Sheryl's husband.

Meaning:

The first joke twists the phrase “Black don’t crack,” which usually means Black people age well. Shane flips it into “Black does crack,” using “crack” as both wordplay and the imagined impact of falling. But the real attack is not about aging. It is about Sheryl’s husband’s death. The joke implies that being married to Sheryl was so unbearable that it drove him to jump.

Why it is so brutal:

That is why the joke is so ugly. It takes a familiar race phrase, turns it into a death image, then attaches the death directly to Sheryl. The callback makes it worse. Later, Shane sees the Warriors bridge logo and returns to the same wound: Sheryl’s husband and falling from a height.

Why it works:

It is two jokes using the same pain. The first joke creates the wound. The callback proves Shane is willing to go back there. That is why this ranks so high. It is not just a suicide joke. It is a suicide joke with wordplay, blame, and memory.

3. Draymond Green → Chelsea Handler — Abortion / LAPD Hit

Viciousness: 9.2

Quote:

I'll tell you who's having a terrible Mother's Day. Chelsea Handler's kids. Chelsea's had so many ab*rtion, she's k*lled more innocent Blacks than the LAPD. Listen, I did not write these jokes. Chelsea, you were really nice to me. I'm sorry. In her defense, several of them were armed.

Meaning:

Draymond turns Chelsea’s public abortion persona into a fake body-count joke. Then he makes the body count racial, comparing imaginary unborn children to victims of police violence.

Why it is so brutal:

This is not one taboo. It is abortion, motherhood, race, police violence, and Chelsea’s public image all crashing into the same joke. The joke attacks her as sexually reckless, anti-maternal, racially implicated, and morally casual at the same time. That is why it feels explosive.

Why the apology helps:

Draymond saying he did not write the joke makes it funnier because it looks like he is trying to escape the blast after delivering it. The panic becomes part of the laugh.

Why it works:

The structure is clean: Mother’s Day, Chelsea’s “kids,” abortion reversal, LAPD comparison, then the “armed” line. It starts like a holiday insult and ends like a police report. That is why it ranks this high.

4. Pete Davidson → Tony Hinchcliffe — Child-Molester Doll Hit

Viciousness: 8.8

Quote:

Tony Hinchcliffe is here, looking like both a child molester and the doll they give the child to show where he touched them. Tony reminds me of Charlie Kirk in that he's definitely been on camera letting a guy unload in his throat.

Meaning:

The first joke says Tony looks like both the predator and the evidence. That is the twist. Pete does not just call him creepy. He creates a whole abuse-investigation image around his face: the criminal, the child’s doll, and the courtroom all at once. The second joke takes Tony’s political/alpha-male image and flips it into sexual humiliation. “On camera” makes it sound less like gossip and more like evidence.

Why it is so brutal:

The first joke attacks Tony’s face, vibe, morality, and whole presence in one visual image. The second joke attacks his masculinity. It turns the tough conservative roast-comic persona into something submissive, exposed, and embarrassing.

Why it works:

Both jokes are visual. The audience can see the insult immediately. That is why this ranks high. Pete is not building a complicated argument. He is painting Tony as guilty, weird, and sexually humiliated before Tony even speaks.

5. Chelsea Handler → Tony Hinchcliffe — School-Shooter Hit

Viciousness: 8.5

Quote:

Tony, you have the face of a school sh**ter and the personality of someone who gets shot first.

Meaning:

Chelsea traps Tony in two ugly images at once. First, he looks like the threat. Then, he has the personality of the first casualty. That is the twist. He is not only dangerous-looking. He is also weak, irritating, and disposable inside the same joke.

Why it is so brutal:

The joke attacks his face, personality, politics, and edge-lord image in one sentence. It makes Tony look creepy enough to be feared, but pathetic enough to be eliminated first. That combination is what makes the line sharp.

Why it works:

The joke is brutally efficient. “School sh**ter” gives the audience the visual. “Gets shot first” gives the reversal. Chelsea does not need a long setup. She turns Tony into both the warning sign and the first body on the floor. That is why it lands so cleanly.

6. Katt Williams → Kevin Hart — Enemy / GOAT / Punchlines Hit

Viciousness: 8.1

Quote:

I'm surprised they invited me. That's how little star power you have. They had to start inviting your enemies. I've won an Emmy Award, but this is gonna be my best acting tonight, as I pretend like you are a GOAT. Kevin, you're gonna hear some things tonight that you're not familiar with. Those things are called punchlines.

Meaning:

Katt is not just roasting Kevin. He is arriving as Kevin’s enemy and making that the joke. The insult is that Kevin’s roast needed real conflict so badly, they had to invite someone who openly dislikes him.

Why it is brutal:

Katt attacks three things at once: Kevin’s star power, Kevin’s GOAT status, and Kevin’s actual comedy. He is saying Kevin is famous, but not respected enough to be roasted honestly without bringing in an enemy.

Why it works:

The joke has real history behind it. Katt’s presence feels dangerous because the audience knows this is not fake roast friendship. That is why it hits. It is not just a punchline. It is payback with a microphone.

7. Tom Brady → Kevin Hart — Real Dad Showed Up

Viciousness: 8.0

Quote:

Jesus, do you ever shut the f*ck up? Or have you just been here screaming into that mic the last two years waiting for Daddy to come home? Well, unlike your real dad, I actually showed up.

Meaning:

Tom turns Kevin’s loud roast-host energy into abandonment. Kevin had attacked Tom at the Brady roast and told him to get comfortable being uncomfortable. Tom comes back with the same energy, but makes it personal.

Why it is brutal:

This is not really a short joke. It is a father joke. Tom takes Kevin’s confidence, volume, and stage control, then reframes all of it as a child waiting for his father.

Why it works:

The joke has revenge structure. Kevin talked tough when Tom was the target. Now Tom shows up, takes the microphone, and uses Kevin’s real wound against him. That is why it lands. It is not random cruelty. It is payback with timing.

8. Shane Gillis → Kevin Hart — Absent Father / Jumanji Hit

Viciousness: 7.8

Quote:

Kevin's dad wasn't there for him because he was addicted to cocaine, which is a lot more respectable than not being there for your kids because you're filming f*cking Jumanji 3.

Meaning:

Shane turns Kevin’s childhood wound into a mirror. Kevin’s father was absent because of addiction. Shane suggests Kevin may be absent for a cleaner, richer, Hollywood reason.

Why it is so brutal:

This is not just “Kevin makes bad movies.” It says the thing that hurt Kevin may be something he is now repeating. The joke attacks Kevin’s father, Kevin’s parenting, his movie career, and the idea that success excuses absence.

Why it works:

The comparison is cruel because the two reasons are different, but the result is the same: the child still gets absence. That is why it lands. It turns Kevin’s public success into a private accusation.

9. The Rock → Kevin Hart — Dad / Crack / Tiny Bag Hit

Viciousness: 7.6

Quote: And he loved the crack. And that was before he even met Kevin. Kevin realized that the only way to win his dad's love was if he too fit inside a tiny plastic bag. And Kevin, just like your dad, it's wild how much you need the rock. My little crack baby, Kevin.

Meaning:

The Rock turns Kevin into the thing his father wanted most: crack. That is the cruel twist. Kevin is not just the abandoned son. He becomes the drug object small enough to fit inside the bag.

Why it is brutal:

The joke hits Kevin’s father, childhood pain, size, and friendship with The Rock all at once. It says Kevin’s father loved crack more than him, so Kevin had to become tiny enough to compete with it.

Why it works:

“The rock” means two things here. It means crack cocaine. It also means Dwayne Johnson. That double meaning gives the joke its shape. Kevin needed his father’s rock, and now he needs The Rock. That is why it lands. It is wordplay built on family damage.

10. Big Jay Oakerson → Draymond Green — Daughter / Strip-Club Hit

Viciousness: 7.4

Quote:

Draymond Green is a naughty guy. He has paid four million dollars in fines. Did you name your daughter Cash because you plan on losing her anyway? She won't even have to change her name when she gets hired at the strip club.

Meaning:

Big Jay turns Draymond’s daughter’s name into the whole attack. “Cash” becomes money, fines, loss, and a future strip-club name all at once.

Why it is brutal:

This one feels harsher because it goes through Draymond’s child instead of Draymond directly. The joke attacks the name, his parenting, his money, and the fear of future humiliation.

Why it works:

The mechanism is simple: Cash means money. Draymond loses money through fines. Then the joke pushes “Cash” into a darker adult image. That is why it lands. It is not complicated. It is a name joke taken to the ugliest possible place.

11. Katt Williams → Kevin Hart — Diddy Age Joke

Viciousness: 7.2

Quote:

Kevin was at a bunch of Diddy parties, but in his defense, it was only 'cause Diddy thought he was ten.

Callback:

Kevin even hosted a record release party for P. Diddy. There was a record number of releases on the bed.

Meaning:

Katt uses Diddy as the danger image, then turns Kevin’s height into the punchline. The joke does not just say Kevin is short. It makes him look so small and childlike that even an adult celebrity scandal gets reframed as mistaken age.

Why it is brutal:

It attacks Kevin’s size, dignity, masculinity, and social circle at once. The Diddy reference makes the joke feel darker than a normal short joke, because it adds scandal, sexual danger, and embarrassment around Kevin’s fame.

Why it works:

The first line creates the nasty image. The callback keeps it in the same dirty world. It is not the deepest joke on the list, but it is fast, ugly, and efficient. Katt takes Kevin’s oldest roast weakness — being small — and gives it a darker, more current frame.

12. Na’im Lynn → Kevin Hart — Career Over Wife

Viciousness: 7.0

Quote:

The only thing you and Tom Brady got in common, you both love your career more than your wife.

Callback:

I'm sorry, Eniko.

Meaning:

Na’im compares Kevin to Tom Brady through the ugliest shared trait: career obsession. The joke says Kevin’s real marriage is to work, fame, and success. His wife comes second.

Why it is brutal:

This hits harder because Na’im is close to Kevin. From a stranger, it sounds like a cheap wife joke. From Na’im, it sounds like something observed over years.

Why it works:

The Tom Brady comparison makes the line feel bigger than Kevin. It turns career success into emotional failure. That is why it lands: the joke says Kevin won Hollywood, but may still be losing at home.

13. Jeff Ross → Kevin Hart — Dad Walked Out / Movie Walkout

Viciousness: 6.9

Quote:

Kevin, I know your dad walked out on you and then I went to see one of your movies and then I walked out on you.

Meaning:

Jeff turns Kevin’s father leaving him into a movie-review joke. That is the trick. The first half sounds like childhood pain. The second half becomes Jeff saying Kevin’s movie was so bad that he abandoned him too.

Why it is brutal:

It uses the same phrase twice: “walked out.” First, it means family abandonment. Then, it means leaving a theater. That shift makes the joke cruel without making it too heavy.

Why it works:

This is a clean parallel joke. Dad walked out. Jeff walked out. Kevin gets abandoned twice: once as a son, once as a performer. That is why it lands. It turns a father wound into career criticism in one simple move.

14. Chelsea Handler → Male Dais — Predator Frame

Viciousness: 6.8

Quote:

Welcome to tonight's episode of To Catch a Predator. This is a real who's who of statutory rapists. We're all just lucky none of you could afford an island.

Meaning:

Chelsea does not roast one man first. She puts the whole male dais under suspicion. The joke frames the table as creepy, sexually dirty, and morally guilty before she starts naming people.

Why it is brutal:

It turns the roast into a courtroom. The men are not just ugly, old, or washed up. They are treated like predators who escaped consequences only because they lacked billionaire resources.

Why it works:

The line gives Chelsea’s whole set a mission. She is not randomly insulting men. She is building a prosecution. Tony, Shane, Big Jay, and the rest become examples in a larger case against the table. That is why it lands. It turns the dais into the crime scene.

15. Pete Davidson → Tony / Kanye — Nazi Line

Viciousness: 6.7

Quote:

Tony, nothing you say tonight will hurt my feelings. I was in a beef with Kanye, so I've taken shots from better g*y Nazis.

Meaning:

Pete tells Tony that Tony cannot scare him, because Pete has already survived a much bigger public enemy: Kanye. The joke uses Kanye as the comparison point. Tony is not the main monster. He is the cheaper version.

Why it is brutal:

It attacks Tony’s whole persona. Tony wants to sound dangerous, political, offensive, and untouchable. Pete says he has already dealt with a louder, richer, crazier, more famous version of that.

Why it works:

The joke downgrades Tony. It says Tony’s shock-comic edge is not special. Pete has taken shots from someone with more fame, more chaos, and more cultural damage behind him. That is why it lands. It turns Tony from a threat into a knockoff.

16. Shane Gillis → Kevin Hart — Oscars / Homophobia Reversal

Viciousness: 6.6

Quote:

They found an old tweet of his where he said if his son was g*y, he would break a dollhouse over his head. I know, that's crazy. He used to be funny.

Callback:

"I'm in love with the man I'm becoming." g*y. I'm gonna break a dollhouse over his head after that.

Meaning:

Shane brings up Kevin’s Oscars controversy, but the real attack is not only that Kevin was cancelled. The real attack is that the cancelled joke may be sharper than Kevin’s newer comedy.

Why it is brutal:

It traps Kevin between two bad images. Either the old joke was offensive, or the old joke was funny. Shane’s punchline says both are true.

Why it works:

The dollhouse image is violent, childish, and visual. Then Shane keeps reusing it, turning the controversy into a running weapon. That is why it lands. It is not just a cancel-culture joke. It is a joke about Kevin losing his edge.

17. The Rock → Kevin’s wife — Eniko Joke

Viciousness: 6.5

Quote:

Eniko, I'll show you later.

Callback:

We'll let you watch like we always do, from the corner of the room, strapped tight in your cuck high chair. You guys can Google what that means later. Callback 1:

Would you be happier with The Rock? Or any rock?

Callback 2:

Don't you think it's time for your wife to have a real man?

Meaning:

This is a running wife-humiliation bit, not one isolated joke. Tom flirts with Eniko. Chelsea pushes the “real man” idea. Then The Rock closes the loop by directly speaking to Kevin’s wife.

Why it is brutal:

The joke makes Kevin lose the husband comparison in public. It is not about cheating exactly. It is about status. The Rock is bigger, calmer, stronger, and more physically dominant in the joke-world.

Why it works:

“Eniko, I’ll show you later” is small by itself. With the callbacks, it becomes the final hit in a longer pile-on. The joke says Kevin may be the husband, but The Rock is the fantasy upgrade. That is why it lands.

18. Na’im Lynn → Kevin Hart — No Awards / Grammy Died

Viciousness: 6.3

Quote:

You don't have an Oscar, an Emmy, a Tony, or a Grammy. The only Grammy you had died in 1985.

Callback:

"Oh, no, Mama. Grammy died. Where are we gonna live now?"

Meaning:

Na’im attacks Kevin’s status first. Kevin is rich and famous, but he still does not have the major awards that signal artistic prestige. Then the joke twists “Grammy” from an award into Kevin’s grandmother.

Why it is brutal:

The first line is career criticism. The second line turns it into family pain. It says Kevin lacks elite awards, then uses the word “Grammy” to drag a dead relative into the joke.

Why it works:

The wordplay is simple, but the turn is nasty. Award joke → dead grandmother joke → childhood survival joke. That is why it lands. It starts as status humiliation and ends as family damage.

19. Shane Gillis → Kevin Hart — Saudi / Aladdin Monkey

Viciousness: 6.2

Quote:

Kevin actually did really well in Saudi Arabia, but only because they thought he was the monkey from Aladdin.

Callback:

Abu. Which is actually coincidentally what Kevin hears every time he puts out one of his dog sh*t specials. A boo.

Meaning:

Shane turns Kevin’s Saudi Arabia appearance into a size joke, a cartoon joke, and a career joke at the same time. The first hit compares Kevin to Abu, the tiny monkey from Aladdin. The callback turns “Abu” into “a boo,” meaning the audience rejecting Kevin’s specials.

Why it is brutal:

It makes Kevin look small, foreign, ridiculous, and badly reviewed in one sequence.

Why it works:

The joke is simple but visual. Saudi Arabia leads to Aladdin. Aladdin leads to Abu. Abu leads to “a boo.” That chain is why it lands. It is not one deep insult. It is a clean cartoon image that becomes a career insult.

20. Jeff Ross → Kevin Hart — Prince Was Short But Great

Viciousness: 6.0

Quote:

Yes, Kev, people mock you for being short. But you know who else was short? Prince. Prince was 5'2'', we just don't talk about it a lot because Prince was great.

Meaning:

Jeff pretends to defend Kevin from short jokes, then makes the shortness irrelevant. The real insult is not that Kevin is small. The insult is that Prince was small too, but Prince was so great nobody cared.

Why it is brutal:

It turns Kevin’s height into a talent comparison. Prince had genius, style, mystery, music, and cultural immortality. Kevin has fame, hustle, branding, and bad movies.

Why it works:

The joke is clean but not vicious. It says: being short is survivable. Being short without Prince-level greatness is the real problem. That is why it belongs at #20. It is not the coldest joke on the list, but it is a neat little insult with a real point.