Blocklist Target 200, Islamophobia Surge, California Longing

December 18, 2020

I used the day to record aggressive friend-list pruning, Ayeshah flashbacks, California longing, and outright hostility, so the page lands as one of the clearest portraits of isolation turning into social warfare.

3:00 PM

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 15, 2020

8:00 p.m.

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████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ I have no contact with these people. I'm annoyed and very sad and disappointed that business proceedings are taking forever, I'm very hurt that I was born into Sri Lanka. I should've been born to white parents and in California. It doesn't make any sense how I was born in a place like Sri Lanka. I feel very hurt to be here, I hate it here.

8:15 p.m.

I'm rewriting our employment agreement. I feel very angry. I feel so annoyed. I dunno what to do. I'm surprised my 60 mg of Mirtazapine hasn't helped me. I'm wondering what's wrong. I guess, it's just resentment, I guess, I just have to put up with these people. Just tolerate, move away, throw people out, block people off, get rid of people, repeat.

9:00 p.m.

9:15 p.m.

9:30 p.m.

I got some message from this Denzil in the morning, I don't want to bother responding. ████████████████████████████████████████ I don't know what to do with these guys. The only real purpose is to get Denzil to speak to Thilanga uncle in Sinhalese because I can't and don't want to attempt to speak in Sinhalese language. I only speak English.

This guy, he's a bisexual apparently, Lakmal Perera, he added me as a friend on Facebook. I rejected it. I don't know this guy or want to know him. I feel unsafe with people in Sri Lanka. I want to keep these people at a distance, move away from everyone and stick around the Californians.

10:15 p.m.

I'm getting hungry. What I hate the absolute most about Sri Lanka is the terrible, terrible tasteless, bad tasting and unbearably awful cheap, bad food. I hate it.

1:15 AM

Are you just one person..?!

2:15 AM

Tea is one of our biggest and most famous, prized exports.

It was the Jewish people who brought tea to Sri Lanka from China, a long, long time ago.

https://www.historyofceylontea.com/tea-planters/planters-registry/worms-brothers-maurice-gabriel--11132927.html

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maurice_Benedict_de_Worms

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_the_Jews_in_Sri_Lanka

2:30 AM

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 16, 2020

12:15 a.m.

There's a lot of big mosquitoes. I can't track them. Sometimes, they get inside the mosquito net which really bothers me.

I was thinking, I should be like Bhante Saranapala and Jonathan Hirshon who are both just so cool. Being a racist, being insecure, being unkind, it's not cool, it's ugly and it hurts.

I have a good quality where I'm honest about my plus and minus points. I have at least 10% good and 10% bad as Bhante Saranapala told me and Jonathan.

It should be about increasing my 10% good to 25% and reducing my 10% bad to 5% or 1%. In my industry, in my top level, I must have at least 1% bad, because that's just the way to survive.

You can't please everyone, some people just want to hurt you, you must be ready to hit back. That's how it is.

I did my 4 minute elliptical machine run very fast. My leg was a bit scratchy, so I applied body lotion. I had a bowl of Maggi noodles and broth soup. I had bread slices with chicken for dinner.

There's some problem with my bathroom. The water collects and has found itself under my room's floorboards. We'll try to repair it slowly.

If I take ███████ out of an equation, the Muslims are generally very cool. They were there for me as family and friends. I seem to always focus on the negative 1%. Bhante said there's always a 1% good, you must try to build on that. I do the exact opposite and it hurts.

I feel so much suspicion of her for nothing. This all seems to be Islamophobia. I'm upset. She hasn't done anything wicked or wrong. I can't believe I'm this way. I've gone down the wrong path. I've become an evil man.

12:30 a.m.

A lot of people do so much good to help me. I always spend most of my time, attention and energy obsessing over mistakes, finding fault, blaming, hurting others, it's ugly, cruel and wicked.

9:45 a.m.

10:00 a.m.

I'm getting hungry. I need to get breakfast. Maybe I need to get more Maggi because it's great for me to eat easily at night. It's like the only thing easy enough for me to make by myself. Everything else is too hard.

10:15 a.m.

10:30 a.m.

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11:30 a.m.

It's messed up. This s*** is all bullshit. It's not true. It's evil, it's as though I'm using my gifts of intelligence or writing to hurt innocent 1,000s of Muslims who mean me no harm. It's ridiculous to say that 1 million Muslims got together in a mosque, decided they'd blow up a few churches, etc.

12:00 p.m.

I feel like I'm bullying these guys, which isn't cool. It's just not cool. It's a c*** move. Nobody likes Jeffrey Dean Morgan as Negan in TWD when he pummeled that Asian guy, they like him for his coolness. It's important for me to not be a racist c***. It's so ugly.

12:15 p.m.

That New Zealand mass shooting white guy racist was a real piece of s***. He shot up two mosques, on film, he was a piece of s***. That's the price of racism. It broke my heart to see all those innocent Muslims collapsed on the ground, women and children, it broke my heart, that's the cost of racism.

12:30 p.m.

I don't feel comfortable joking about certain things, I don't like jokes about death, or crime. I used to have a dark sense of humour, but that was mostly because I was a piece of s***. I saw the world in a bad way, I was taught to hate.

███████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ My thoughts seem to have thought shaping power. █████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ ████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████

I see you can prevent all of these problems by just being cool. By just being cool. I get so anxious, like the virgin on his first time. ██████████████████████████████████████████████████████ I must relax more, take things easy and just be nice to people.

1:00 p.m.

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Names on this page

2 matched names linked to the Names index.

Bhante Saranapala

Canadian Buddhist Monk

Page hits: 2

Jonathan Hirshon

Silicon Valley Tech PR Strategist

Page hits: 1