Fri 17 Jan
1:15 a.m.
I'm having difficulty sleeping. I keep getting flashbacks.██████████videotaped me ███████████████████████████████████████████████████as ████████ █████████████████attacked my business, then after explaining it to ████████████went into his room, then came out, tackled me to the ground, then started twisting my elbow until it cracked -- a fracture was visible on x ray, he then choked me, he tried to punch me in the face and then Thilanga uncle came, he threatened to ███████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████
████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ he laughed about breaking my elbow in front of a lot of people and her. I can't forgive her for siding with him. She told me about how she was assaulted a few years ago, over zoom, when I was in Singapore. I dunno.
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1:30 a.m.
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2:45 a.m.
Can't sleep. My heart rate is up, I'm tearing.█████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████
████████████████████████████████████████████████ I miss the NHS and 111 service. I'll set it up in Sri Lanka. I'm like the equivalent of a nuclear powered aircraft carrier in terms of all the leadership and value I offer hehe. I'll be okay. This isn't that bad. I'm lucky, I had just 1 extra 15mg tablet of Mirtazapine to calm down. I wish I had diazepam too.
████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████I don't care about anyone or anything. I can do it. I'll always do what I like.██████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████
Usually, when you're sleeping, the body goes into paralysis and a lot of stuff happens. I'm way too excited. My head is really pumping blood. It feels like I'm under attack or something. I need to just take another ████████████████████████████████████████ and just try relax. I'll be just fine. I need to perfect myself, end my evil or rage or wrongs, and try help others for good karma.
All of this s*** happens when I get stressed. Last week, I saw I had several nightmares. It's a continuous problem. I don't know. I think it's just the way it is. I'm anyway just stressed that because I'm going to go to sleep so late, I won't be able to get to that meeting at 10:00 a.m. on time or something. I'll be sedated and drowsy.
Jesus friggin' Christ. This is so stupid. I can't believe this s***. I dunno. I should go see what's in the fridge or just try to relax and close my eyes and stuff. These attacks can happen. I just need to learn. I've learned to identify well, that's the first step. I think if I can't sleep, I'll just wait. I should be okay.
3:00 a.m.
Ah thank G-d, that meeting is at 11 a.m. I should be okay: 8 hours sleep. I ate a slice of cheese. I took 2 vitamin c. I popped ███████████████████. It's all just anxiety. This s*** is bullshit haha. But I love how I can cope. I took ████████████████ for Uwin's wedding. I knew it would happen, it went perfectly.
My tongue hurts because I bit it yesterday eating hot butter cuttlefish. It'll be okay. Today will be a good day. This is a very debilitating problem. I hate how it's damaged my life. Too much anxiety. Too many things on my mind all at once. Too many projects, customers, too much information to process.
Whatever. I feel safe writing. I love to write. I'm really great at writing and expressing myself very quickly and really well. I love it. It's all such high quality too. I love it. I need to stay positive no matter. These bad thoughts and bad ideas are just because of PTSD and my body and brain being unable to process. I just need to be patient.
I'm so thankful I'm never alone! It's just so cool how there's always somebody listening. I don't feel isolated and so vulnerable anymore. I need to really setup the Samaritans in Sri Lanka. ███████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ Why do I have to do everything?
12:00 p.m.
██████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████
██████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████I believe in defence, I feel obligated to defend myself.
I don't know. I don't ever really cut people out of my life. I think that according to my religion, we will all be friends in heaven. Ultimately, that's what happens. It's foolish to hate people. I think with Milan or Sean or certain family, it'll be damaged relationships -- just an attempt to act civil, but always hurt and never trusting.
2:45 p.m.
I'm at Sumathi Info Tech. I'm trying to see if we can collaborate. I have a slight problem with NDB, Union Bank and NTB. I think it'll be dealt with. It's not a serious problem -- we haven't done anything criminal. I sort of went to see the Union Bank without an appointment.
I'll talk to Ashok Pathirage uncle or his team and try sort it out. These things happen. I visited the Excise Department. They told me the government prohibited giving liquor import permits, and I need one to legally import and distribute in Sri Lanka.
I'll have to coordinate with the Ministry of Finance to get a liquor permit to import, and then go about selling liquor to the restaurants, bars, hotels, duty free and onboard Sri Lankan Airlines. Prime Minister Mahinda Rajapaksa is in charge. I don't know, better if I can use Thilanga uncle's friends to do it.
Mihiran ██████ is anyway friends with Sanjaya Padmaperuma, the CEO of South Asia Technologies, and also Rehan and I think Chetiya who work over there. Mihiran told me NDB, Union Bank and NTB are upset with me. I'll need to use SIT to work on them.
3:00 p.m.
I'm glad with the progress we're making with Dialog Axiata PLC. We had a slight problem with Ajith Salgado at Sampath Bank last year, I think Nanda, Ayodhya, Channa uncle and also Dhara from the Ceylon Chamber of Commerce all interfered on my behalf and now, we can register as a supplier first step and then work on presentations.
